Meera Syal, discussed the loss of a sense of self when you have a child. I vividly remember that dislocated feeling of being purposeless in the first weeks of maternity leave before the bear arrived. I kept saying to cable boy (husband) “I can’t wipe that bloody surface one more time”. I just felt a bit pointless. I soon got the hang of it, buying trash mags, eating junk food and developing a brief addiction to ANTM (America’s Next Top Model). Despite my dedication I never have learnt to ‘smise’ (smile with your eyes). Lovely as this deep-fried wallowing was I had already strayed far from the woman I was a few weeks before and that sense of stepping-down from society was a lonely feeling for me. Obviously when your baby arrives you instantly have one hell of a purpose – keep this damn baby alive at all costs, mostly to yourself (sleep, boobs, dignity, sanity). Weeks went by and I was still shocked by the brutality of the birth (ruthlessly yanked out’ the sun-roof), the destruction of my body and the lack of decent conversation.
Meera shared a saying “when a child is born, two people are born; a child and a mother”.
I was grieving (whinging) for my old-self (selfish, spontaneous, pert) and having difficulty ‘birthing’ the new person, the mum. It’s hard to find them when you are lost in a fug of conflicting and fragmented advice from friends, family and healthcare professionals. Everyone is just trying to help you get through, but you are really on your own with all the instincts and decisions. But, you know what, YOU DID IT!
“No one asks a man how he’s going to juggle it all” said Meera Syal at Mumsnet Blogfest15. As soon as I got home from a whole 12 hours of freedom and inspiration I thanked my husband for looking after OUR kids. “Hang on I shouldn’t really thank you for doing what I do all the time. But thanks anyway”. #feminismfail
Mumsnet Blogfest15 thought of the day x3
- To the men who came and were occasionally overlooked and slightly stereotype-bashed in the forums, big up yoself.
- To the mums that brought their tiny babies along, I salute you. You are courageous and competent. Your fuzzly little snufflers made me feel a tinge broody (not good).
- To those I got chatting to or shared a drink with, thank you for expanding my mind and friendship circle.
I am sticking a reminder in my diary to buy the early bird tickets to Mumsnet Blogfest16.